i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
