i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I intend to get homeless drunk
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
