I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
