drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
