I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Randomize
