I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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