He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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