Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Randomize
