Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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