Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
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I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
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The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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