I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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