I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
