I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
