My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
