I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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