apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
