fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
