Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
