reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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