You're earring is so big in my mouth
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You are the jesus of drinking
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
