I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
