And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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