It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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