It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
