update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
i think my cat just said my name.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
