They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
