I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
