Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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