Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
