it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
