Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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