All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
