I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
