Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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