This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
It's just like the Real World with babies
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
