I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
