I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
