I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
