I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
