It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
