well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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