I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize