Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
