You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
