I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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