it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
