Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Randomize
