Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Randomize
