She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
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