when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
