A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
