Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
