Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
