if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
