Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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