I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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