Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
