The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
