Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
