Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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