I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
