Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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