I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
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We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
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