I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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