I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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