I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
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we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
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I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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