i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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